Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
