Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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