Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
