Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
