How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
