just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
