my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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