I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
