I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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