we have officially lost it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
