My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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