That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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