There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
