Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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