i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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