his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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