i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
