Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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