And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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