I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
