3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
