This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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