I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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