Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
