She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
