When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
