I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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