Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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