you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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