Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
