Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize