I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
