is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize