I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
