I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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