imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
