I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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