Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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