i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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