He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
