So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
