Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize