I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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