so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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