She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
