OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
