Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize