The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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