tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
