My vagina just recognized that song.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
