just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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