That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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