He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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