We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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