Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize