we're blogging at a bar
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
