i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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