It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
