You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
