It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
