i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
