Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
