do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
