hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize