There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
is wine microwaveable?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
