I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
