Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
