Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
