does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
