Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
