I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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