Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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