what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
