I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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