i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
