Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
