break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize