I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
