Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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