Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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