Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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