Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I didn't notice because vodka
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
