i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
