right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
