I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
