I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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