That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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