apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
