the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
