I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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