you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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