Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
