he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was like eating out sand paper
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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