i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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