I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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