I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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