my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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