I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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