I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
