I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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