I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
