is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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