Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
