There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
