You can't motorboat a personality
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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