Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
