I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
