Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize