I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
