it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
