So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
