I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I checked into jail on foursquare
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
