i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
