There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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