mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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