He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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